An Open Letter to my Small Group Leaders

  Senior year. You've stuck with us since 7th grade. I'm not sure how you managed to put up with us all this time, but you did. And here we are, having just finished our last first youth event of the year. This has me feeling all sorts of ways. Maybe the strongest of which being a deep gratitude for the impact you both have had on my life.

  This past weekend, we dove in to what it means to take your faith to the next level. I firmly believe "next-level" faith cannot happen without community. You both have been such an integral part of that community. You have walked alongside me. You have not held my hand and led me, but instead have always encouraged and pushed me to go deeper in my faith- to make my faith my own.

  Over the past five or so years, there have been countless amounts of prayers, lunches, hard talks, bonfires, text messages and phone calls, youth events, tears, and laughter. You have welcomed me, welcomed all of our small group so completely into your lives. You've listened to and prayed over endless boy drama, friend drama, confusions, and broken hearts. You make each of us feel as if we are important and the things bothering us are worth listening to.

  You have never failed to show me love when I am hurting, and you aren't afraid to show me tough love when you see something I need to work on. Thank you for that. Thank you for loving me enough to call me out on things. Sometimes I think y'all know me better than I know myself.

  Thank you. Thank you for seeing potential in me when I don't see it myself. Thank you for speaking truth into my life. Thank you for encouraging me to step out in faith and do the hard things. Thank you for coming alongside me as a middle-schooler and convincing me the world wasn't falling apart when I freaked out over little things. Thank you for coming alongside me as a high-schooler and reminding me that God is good and faithful even when I don't see how. Thank you for reminding me that I need not strive for perfection, but rather strive after the heart of God.

  Thank you leading by example. For not only telling me to follow Christ, but showing me what that looks like on a daily basis. Thank you for showing me that it's okay to mess up. That it's okay to fail. Thank you for all the times you've reminded me that "failure" is not final, and God wants to use me no matter what.

  Thank you for welcoming us into your homes. Thank you for always having an open door. You welcome me like a part of your family. Thank you for letting us be comfortable with you. Thank you for all the times you've replied to late-night text messages when I just need to be reminded I'm not alone. Thank you for letting me cry and vent to you- because sometimes life is messy and hard and sometimes it's just needed. Thank you for all the advice you've given to me and for encouraging me to look for answers in the Word and character of God.

  Thank you for praying for me. You have done this probably more than I'll ever know. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for showing the love of our Savior to me. I cherish you both and I'm cherishing this year we have. You both mean the absolute world to me.

I give thanks to my God for every remembrance of you, always praying with joy for all of you in my every prayer, because of your partnership in the Gospel from the first day until now. -Philippians 1:3-5

When Promises of Faithfulness Shine through the Clouds

In Guatemala, we had prayer sessions dubbed "Ask the Lord"s, or ATLs. During these ATLs, we would go off by ourselves and just listen for the Lord's voice. Which can be somewhat new and intimidating and exciting and slightly uncomfortable. You sit by yourself and open your heart and ask the Lord to show up. You ask Him to show you someone you can have an interaction with; you ask Him to show you something that you need to see; you ask Him to just show up and speak to you. After we spent some time in prayer and quiet reflection, we'd group up and walk through the city, praying and looking for people with whom to speak and show Christ.

We did our first ATL on July 5th, our first full day in country. During my prayer time, I found it hard to focus and clear my head, which was frustrating. A rooster was crowing directly below me, I could hear people talking and fireworks being set off (that happens quite often during the day in Guat), dogs were barking. There was a lot of background noise. Nevertheless, I prayed that He would show me or tell me what I needed to see or hear.

The one thing He pressed on my heart were the words "the color orange."

I didn't even tell any of the team this except for my roomie (shoutout to Lauren, love ya so much). It seemed so trivial; it didn't make sense. It wasn't even a specific shade of orange, or an orange object. It was simply the words "the color orange." We split into groups and walked through the town. I was looking out for anything orange- buildings, clothing, signs. Nothing stood out. Nothing spoke to me. We finished our prayer walk, which did include some pretty neat, God-ordained experiences (too much to share in this post), and went back to our hotel. I was a little disappointed to have gone through that prayer walk and not get anything out of the words I heard Him speak to me.

Later that night, we were circled up in the grass outside, singing some songs, just worshiping our Lord. Our hotel was next to Lake Atitlan, which is surrounded by breath-taking mountains and volcanoes. Those worship sessions were so Spirit-led and filled. Several times, I had chills just listening to the sound of 29 of my closest friends and caring leaders lifting their voices and their hearts to Him. On this night, as we were sitting out there in the most beautiful country on earth, the sun began to set. Of course, we couldn't actually see the sun setting because of the mountains surrounding us, but as it was setting, the sky danced with an array of colors. And get this, y'all.

The clouds above us shone orange. Though I couldn't actually see the sunset, it was lighting up the sky in the very color the Lord had spoken to me that afternoon.

It brought tears to my eyes. In that moment, our sweet Lord whispered to me, "I am faithful. I am faithful." He gave Noah a rainbow, and thousands of years later He gave me, Abigail Converse, just a typical high school senior, a sky full of orange clouds as a promise of His vast faithfulness.

My ATL didn't bring me to a woman in an orange shirt whose life could've been changed. It didn't bring me to an orange building filled with people who had never heard the gospel.

That ATL simply showed me clouds in the sky with different eyes. Eyes that were open to experience Him. That ATL gave me a beautiful, tangible reminder of God's faithfulness that I still think about over a month later any time I see a sunset. That ATL changed my life.

Guatemala changed my life.

The God of the universe changed my life. And I will never be the same.

Looking Back: 2015

 Every once in a while, I'll share a "what I learned" post. Typically these posts relate to what I learned during a certain month, but with a new year in full swing, I wanted to share what I've learned over the past year. This is a post for me to really just reflect on the complete sovereignty of our Lord; it's a post for me to look back on and say, "God was there every step of the way."

 If I accomplished one thing in 2015, it would have been learning to cling to the complete goodness of God. 2015 was hard, y'all. Yes, it was a year filled with some wonderful mountain-top experiences, but alongside those came times in the valleys. If you care to read the long, long journey that was 2015, feel free to do so. If you don't have that much patience {because let's be honest, I wouldn't either}, go ahead and skip to the last couple paragraphs. This post is really just to be a visual reminder of the work Christ has done in me this past year.

January // The year started off pretty simply- watched the ball drop from the comfort of my own couch due to a case of the flu. Signed up to take a week-long mission trip to the Dominican Republic with Compassion International. Started raising money/preparing for said trip. Spent a weekend at the Student Life youth conference. Got wrecked all over again for the world & ate the absolute best cupcake in the world {no lie}. Read through the book of Ruth which revived a passion for His word.

February // A whole lot of the same old. Except Georgia got some snow {!!!!} so that was fun. Also ended up in the ER with {another round of} the flu. Probably not worth noting but it was one of the few things that stood out in February so you're welcome. Spent the whole month really studying the book of Exodus {now one of my all-time favorite books in the Bible}.

March // March brought my favorite youth event of the year {aka Disciple Now}. It was a weekend full of God stories and deep prayers and eating donuts and having girl talk at 2 in the morning. Learned again how earnest prayers strengthen faith and how having people pray over you connects your heart to the heart of Christ like few other things can. Finished reading Exodus and went on to read Hebrews.

April/May // Easter weekend. My absolute favorite of the year. Also starting running again so that was fun. Learned that sometimes the things we think are good aren't truly good and from God. Ran my second 5k. Got to go shopping for the sweet girl I would meet just one short month later. Read through Proverbs and Matthew. Witnessed 90+ people go public in baptism. These two months were ones of learning to rely wholly on Christ & His faithfulness.

June // Got some sweet letters and pictures from my parent's trip to my heart's home {Ethiopia} and spent three whole days away from my sister {the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other}. Had to cut ties in an area of my life and in doing so, opened my heart to receive more of my sweet Lord. Learned that we can allow the hard times to either drive us deeper into God or push us away from Him. Saw God's love displayed in the most beautiful way as I wrapped my arms around my Compassion International sponsor child, Mari Leiny, during the week I spent in the Dominican Republic. Embraced the nations with Him. Never have I laughed more, loved harder, and smiled wider in my life. Also formed unbreakable bonds with five lovely young adults whom I know are going to just set this world on fire for Him. Missing my Dominican translators more every day. Also spent a week at one of my favorite places on earth {also known as the beach}. Bought a cookie straw from Starbucks that was worth every penny. Yum.

July // Finished up a Bible study on defending my faith, led by two wonderful mentors in my life. Spent a week at Student Life Camps in Texas. Got to draw closer to the Lord while providing a VBS event to some children who might not have gotten one otherwise. Played games and did crafts and learned stories with a group of precious hearts whom I will never forget.

August // Worshiped with a couple thousand people at the Outcry Tour. Truly one of my favorite moments of the month. Was finally thrown a surprise party and I may or may not have cried.. Celebrated my 16th birthday with cookie cake and Chick-fil-a. Began one of the most difficult seasons I've ever walked through {more on that in the coming months}. Started off the school year with high hopes and major perfectionist tendencies. Went to my first ever Atlanta Braves game and even though they lost it was still fun.

September/October // My oh my. Easily the two most difficult months of my life. A handful of things caused me to slowly drift. It felt as though everything precious was being ripped away from me as the God I'd always known felt so very far. There were some bright spots- such as homecoming with the beautiful souls I get to call friends and my youth group's Fall Retreat. Unknowingly taking control from the only One who is truly in control threw me into some deep waves and I struggled to keep my head above it all. There were many nights of broken cries for God to restore my heart to Him. Stepped out in faith, even though I could not see Him, and led large group for my church's children's program and it ended up being one of the most rewarding experiences.

November // God slowly but surely started to draw me back to His heart. I began again to hold my heart and my life in open hands up to Him. Learned to accept imperfection. Started praying about & seriously considering a two-week mission trip to Guatemala. Spent time with family for the holidays & said goodbye to my parents as they left for a week in Haiti. Took finals. Signed up to go to Ethiopia for a week with my church & began the application process to go to Guatemala with Adventures in Missions. Also splatter-painted for the first time ever and had a blast.

December // Finished off the year by just simply "being". Spent more time with family & celebrated my sweet sister's 17th birthday. Visited a bunch of pet stores with my cousin. Oh happy day. Also took a spur-of-the-moment trip to Florida with my daddy & spent NYE on the beach. Bought Adele's new album and made him listen to the whole thing on the way home.

January 2016 // Including this as well since the month is already finished. Was officially accepted to go on the Guatemala trip and have seen God's hand in the whole entire application process. Enjoyed several girls' days with some sweet friends. Invested in my first pair of chacos {because they were on sale and all I wear in summer is sandals}. Spent time catching up with my Dominican translators via Skype. Nearly broke down during worship one Sunday night because for the first time in months I felt as if the words I was singing were an overflow from my heart. Thanking God for drawing this heart back to Him. Spent a weekend at the Lift Tour growing closer to a group of people that I will forever call family. Forever thankful to have a small group that I can laugh with and be open and vulnerable with. These people are such a blessing in my life. Got to go back to Steel City Pops which was a definite highlight. Started this blog back up with a new vision.

 And there you have it. My year in review. If you made it this far, all I want you to leave with is a remembrance of our Lord's faithfulness. He is always faithful. And He is always good. If this past year had not played out the way it did, I would have never seen such a perfect example of how completely Christ pursues us when we are lost. Looking back, I am thankful for the struggles. I am thankful for the valleys. They have brought me deeper into Him than I ever imagined possible. He is relentlessly, passionately in love with you, friend. Let's hold tightly to that today.

A Re{new}ed Vision

  Let's be real here. I almost opened this saying, "Here it is. My annual post." But I didn't.

 I'll let you in on a little secret, friends. I actually have plans to revive this old space again.

 Two dozen posts linger as drafts- words in my heart to be shared with you here. They just haven't been shared. Not yet. Soon, I will recap the last year- not because I think you want it, but because I need it.

 There lies my ongoing problem. I crave creating a space for you all to relax and maybe, just maybe, become inspired to dream again, hope again.

 I want a space that you, friend, want to visit because you leave with your soul feeling just a few pounds lighter and the God we both love feeling a little bit closer. And in these desires, I've sacrificed my original vision for this blog.

 On the altar labeled "to please others" I sacrificed delighting my sweet Jesus with the words I type. I neglect posting because I fear it's not what you, my readers, want.

 Maybe we've all made the same sort of sacrifices on this altar, yeah?