I tend to worry and stress. It comes with the tendency to want control. When I try to be in control, I'm always worrying if the outcome will turn out right, stressing that I won't meet expectations, worrying that people will be disappointed, the list goes on and on...
I've realized that I will think something along the lines of "just let me stress and fret about it for a little while, and then I'll give it to You and everything will be fine." When in all actuality, it should be in His hands to begin with. Before I even start to assess a situation, I need to be giving it to Him, for Him to be in control of and use me how He would use me. It doesn't even need to start out in my hands.
I've realized that I will think something along the lines of "just let me stress and fret about it for a little while, and then I'll give it to You and everything will be fine." When in all actuality, it should be in His hands to begin with. Before I even start to assess a situation, I need to be giving it to Him, for Him to be in control of and use me how He would use me. It doesn't even need to start out in my hands.
I think when I, myself, am secure and confident and trusting enough to put myself into Christ's hands, then I naturally put what I'm holding onto into His hands as well. Because I've already realized that I'm not in control of my life. So really, letting go of control does not start with letting go of control just in a situation, it starts with letting go of control in my life, giving it all to Him.
Isn't that a little scary though? Yes, it is. I will be broken. And refined. And brought to my knees. And doing things I never thought possible, doing things I never thought I'd want to do. And broken some more. And refined some more. But I truly believe that only when I give up control of my life and rest securely in Him will He unlock His full purpose for me, using me in ways far greater than anything I'd asked for or imagined- clinging solely to Him, and glorifying His name..
Lord, thank You for letting me call you "Father." It is so personal, that You would want and choose to be close to the broken like me. The control freaks like me. The insufficient like me. I'm humbled, God. I try so hard to fix things, thinking that it's the "right" thing to do, thinking that I'm helping. But doing this life on my own helps nothing. Everything I do needs to point to You. I want everything I am to point to You. It's so simple, but I try to complicate it so much. Lord, I want to rest in You, wholly and completely. Keep bringing me to that place. It's hard and it's painful. But I can't manage life on my own. I surrender all.
If this post doesn't make sense, my apologies. I had a little "aha!" moment and followed it. Haha.
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