Wednesday, October 8, 2014
When This Broken Heart Became Calloused
Yes, my heart has been broken. It's been broken by a great love for the hurting people of the world. I've always said though that I love this place of brokenness. Because when you're broken by something you're moved to do something.
But then my heart was broken by people. People who were supposed to care about me. This was a new kind of broken, a kind not fueled by love but by hurt- by betrayal. Sometimes it's a little bit harder to respond in the same way to this kind of heartache.
So this heart of mine grew calloused. Instead of becoming hardened, it just formed a rough exterior that still enclosed the tender heart beating inside. You couldn't tell- shoot, I couldn't tell- though because from far away calloused skin looks pretty similar to tender skin does it not?
I guess I thought that I was doing myself good. After all, callouses form to protect. But in protecting myself from hurt, I was blocking love from truly reaching my soul.
There are real tears forming in my eyes right now because I'm realizing that these protections, they've kept me from loving and feeling the love of the One who loves me most.
They've kept me from loving others well being I've been afraid to truly let people in.
And I am so, so sorry.
The tears though are good. Because they indicate these callouses of mine starting to fall off. Christ is beginning to break through with His light and open the places in my soul that I had closed. He is beckoning me to rest in and be filled with the strength of His love above all.
It's a long process. And it's painful. But the light of His love is far greater. When the callouses come off, I open myself to true joy. His joy. It opens me to experience Him. His love is gently breaking through and oh, this beating heart is coming alive.
This is day 8 of a 31 day challenge. View the rest here.