Hello, Failure. {When You Feel Like Not Enough}

Well, Failure, I really didn't think we'd meet up here. I have to say, you surprised me. 11 posts out of 23 thus far? Wow. Why don't you just go ahead and put a big red X over this 31 day challenge. Put another tally mark on the board of "Abigail's Failures" for the month.

 Hear my sarcasm, Failure, when I say thanks for pulling through. I thought you were gone, but you showed up yet again. I guess if there is one thing consistent in my crazy life it'd be you. And you know what? That really sucks.

 Really. Can't I have a break already?
 
 Failure, you make me go crazy. You stress me out. This perfectionist can't stand the sight of you. But it's this perfectionist that keeps drawing you back.

 The perfectionist in me tries to do so much. I need to blog more. I need to be a better friend, daughter, sister, Christian. I need to do better in school. I need to be a more committed sponsor. So-and-so is asking some tough questions about God; I need to have the right answers so I can keep her persevering in the faith.

 This is where you come in, Failure.

 Better, more, not enough. 

 Why do I let myself believe the lies?


 Time and time again, Failure, I usher you in. I get so caught up in the "not enough" that I forget to listen to the God Who has redeemed.

 You have whispered to me, "Abigail. You haven't even posted for half the month. Just give up now. You've already missed too much."

 But dear Failure, there is a change coming, a change that starts right now. Because you know the girl that typed those words above? The perfectionist who never seems to do enough? She is going to choose to rest in the acceptance of her Maker.
 

 This post is me stepping out in faith because I'm done. I'm done listening to your lies, Failure. I'm done focusing more on my performance than I do on His precious sacrifice. The One that gave up His life for me speaks the truth that you don't convey. The truth that says though I am such a mess, I am enough. I am loved.

 You don't own me, Failure. You don't define me. I am stamped with the tender embrace of the Lover of my soul.

 And I'm not about to quit because though I have not posted nearly every day, my Lord says these words are valuable. These words have purpose and meaning and if nothing else, He is using them to work in my own heart. So you have no power here. Failure, you can't stop my God from romancing this heart.

 My Lord is greater. He is stronger. And I can't do anything at all to deserve His love. I can't earn it. He loves because He is love and oh, my souls rests in that. There is rest and peace in this great love, peace that you, Failure, cannot give me.

 It's {really not} been nice knowing you. But I'm moving on. I'm resting in the love of Christ. Goodbye, Failure, and hello Love.


This is day 23 in my 31 series, Romanced by Him. Read the rest here.